Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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