His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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