i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
