Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you had me at cake vodka
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
