Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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