Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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