She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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