Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize