I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
