I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
