I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
