My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
