Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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