Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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