Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
