i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
