I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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