Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize