the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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