Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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