Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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