it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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