I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize