Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
