When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
