I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
