9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
