"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
