I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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