You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
