i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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