Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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