Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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