I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize