life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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