At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize