Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
