i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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