blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
