just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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