cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
