a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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