cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
