please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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