I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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