Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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