woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I supernannyed him into submission
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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