Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
