I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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