I can't watch pbs sober anymore
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
