No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
