we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
