My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
