you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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