I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
