the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
