No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't think brook has ever known best
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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