people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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