There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
