I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
