It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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