Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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