Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize