on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
