That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
