I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
