Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
