there's paper in my vomit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
