Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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