The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
