Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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