I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
