just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
