Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
