he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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