I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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