bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
