I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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