first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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