i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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