I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
