3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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